loneliness, i guess?

what if i do it all myself
what if he is there with me?
what if we come home to each other every night and unwind
and go hiking together when the weather is nice

what if i'm forced to have a child
and my life flashes before my eyes?

what if i don't have to ask or wonder
"do you want to come home to me?"
"do you like to come home to me?"
"will you always come home to me?"
"can you trust me with your life?"

and most importantly
"do i have to walk the dog? you know i never wanted a dog.
but i've grown to love you. so i'll pick up his shit when you are not home."

what if i don't do it all myself
but what if i do-
because i have no choice but to?