oiakteoomidinokejakokiijoslh misery once my best friend most intimate lover. once my closest confidant and intimate lover / knew the weight of my every step and tendency to leave the stove on / oh he knew me, surely he did. put up with as i kicked over the covers, woke up in the middle of the night gasping with anxiety / knows the writing callouses on my left hand / sensitive pressure points on my knees / knew all of those things... about me. whispers old nicknames forgotten to everyone else's lips but not his, can touch the deepest part of my shame oh yes he does know my name / there was a time once i stood in the door in the late afternoon with golden summer light falling on gloom, and he said..

(IT'S METAPHORICAL
DONT YOU SEE
he said nothing)

knows everything, everything about me / not to ask if i want hot water, that i leave the spoon on top of the coffee maker, no i do not / rubber bands everywhere on top of the turntable on the desk by the mantel on the floor by the foot of the bed knows all these things a reminder as misery rears its head / what else, it's always been cold in the winter, newspapers and firewood in a laundry basket by the stair. always dirt and gravel in foyer where too are the keys and bike. oh he cared for me / knows the angle best to gut and i

well best friend never misery i, could detect mood in its eyes, turned on his radio in the mornings waited patiently and became bored / slept through every little thing; nothing shared here no unity in night separately covered lazy in nakedness, habits every little one, in the house watching potential die and die and die i said

one night screaming to each other across the divide of nothing we came to our baser instincts / i said you are hurting me, i cried you are hurting me, i screamed, you have killed me / and he increased the volume on the tv and he said i don't want you, said, i don't want you then heard his telephone ring and left the room.

this isn't my chair is it? it isn't. this isn't my table is it? it isn't. how is this room? empty. how deep is your sacrifice? endless. who is the man you think you love? only i know his name. does misery know your name? yes. will he take you in at night? yes. will he defend you? no

i said on the sidewalk two minutes from the front door, the one with the tree uprooting cement, i said i will never come back here again / i'll never come here again. i'll never come here again