the elephant hanging in the air outside in the boston wind and the pool of water by the weird building where the buses were supposed to come and the harsh cold metal seat when we held hands and i said maybe we should just leave this at that. fast forward more than two years later we are lying listening to the crickets and the sound of you breathing and you say 'i think i'll always want you' and something inside me breaks like a child that doesn't know whether to cry or run or die from pleasure and pain. no one will never understand more fully than you what i mean with my words and i know no one else will understand me in the way that you do and somewhere on a high pedestal sits his soft brown hair or any paraphernalia of your body which you have left behind on me, like the scent of you on my flushing skin. let us go again again again how many times will we try try try it will it be x amount of years y amount of boyfriends girlfriends and z years in passing when we are still not together and yet happy in the same way we have always been happy to see the name appear again :